be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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