Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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