Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
