just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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