I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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