I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
third nipple confirmed
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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