i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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