check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
