Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
