dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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