If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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