I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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