i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
