when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize