in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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