thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
