well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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