She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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