Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
