Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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