shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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