My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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