You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
