All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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