you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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