Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
