As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
