Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The uberlube is also flammable
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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