I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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