He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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