when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
