I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
