Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
