I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
