someone get that fucking seahorse.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
