woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
