my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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