he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I will pee on everything he values.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
