You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
