so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
