see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
