My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
