and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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