You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
