Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
