There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
