Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You ate ashes out of my bong
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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