shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
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Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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