my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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