if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize