I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
