I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We smell like vodka and hangover
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