If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
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