Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
