6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
