Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
