so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
