She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Randomize
