I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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