It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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